جك انگليسي

[somaye2 244]

Tcher: How old is your dad?

stud: As old as i am.

Tcher: How is it possible?

Stud: He became father only after i was born.

[somaye2 244]

Waiter: Would you like white coffee or black coffee, Sir?

Santa: Do you have any other colours?

[marjan17 4150]

A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant’s milk and gained twenty pounds in a week

 

B: That’s impossible Whose baby

 

A: An elephant’s:ws3:

 

[marjan17 4150]

A: I’m in a big trouble!

B: Why is that

A: I saw a mouse in my house!

B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap

A: I don’t have one

B: Well then, buy one

A: Can’t afford one

B: I can give you mine if you want

A: That sounds good

B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap

A: I don’t have any cheese

B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap

A: I don’t have oil

B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread

A: I don’t have bread

B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house:ws52: !

[marjan17 4150]

Two cows are standing in a field

 

One says to the other “Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease ”

 

The other one says “No, It doesn’t worry me, I’m a horse!”

 

[marjan17 4150]

TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

 

John: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home

[marjan17 4150]

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

John: A Teacher:w16:.

[marjan17 4150]

Little five year old Johnny was in the bath tub,

and his mom was washing his hair. She said to him,

"Wow, your hair is growing so fast! You need a haircut again."

 

Little Johnny replied, "Maybe you should stop watering it so much

 

 

[marjan17 4150]

WIFE:

I wrote your name on sand it got washed,

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away,

Then I wrote your name on my heart,

And I got Heart Attack.

 

 

HUSBAND:

God saw me hungry, he created pizza,

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi,

He saw me in dark, he created light,

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

 

 

WIFE:

Twinkle twinkle little star,

You should know what you are,

And once you know what you are,

Mental hospital is not so far.

 

 

HUSBAND:

The rain makes all things beautiful,

The grass and flowers too,

If rain makes all things beautiful,

Why doesn't it rain on you?

 

 

WIFE:

Roses are red; Violets are blue,

Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo,

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too,

Not in cage but laughing at you

 

 

[paryam 283]

Then I wrote your name on my heart,

And I got Heart Attack

He saw me without problems, he created YOU

[marjan17 4150]

this part is so funny

Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo,

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too,

Not in cage but laughing at you

:ws28:

[bpz 388]

A British, an American and an Iranian died and all went to hell

يك انگليسي ؛ يك آمريكايي و يك ايراني مردند و همگي رفتند جهنم

 

The British said:

I miss England;

 

I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there....

فرد انگليسي گفت: دلم براي انگليس تنگ شده

مي خواهم با انگلستان تماس بگيرم و ببنيم بعضي افراد آنجا چه كار مي كنند...

 

He called and talked for about 5 minutes...

تماس گرفت و به مدت 5دقيقه صحبت كرد...

 

Then he said: well, devil how much do I owe you for the phone call?

سپس گفت:

خب، شيطان چقدر بايد براي تماسم بپردازم؟؟؟

The devil goes five million dollars...

شيطان 5 ميليون دلار خواست..

 

Five million dollars

!!

5 ميليون دلار !!!!!!!

He made him a check and went to sit back on his chair....

انگليسي چك كشيد و برگشت روي صندلي اش نشست

 

The American was so jealous, he starts screaming, me too I want to call the United States , I want to see how everybody is doing

Too....

فرد آمريكايي خيلي حسود بود و شروع كرد به جيغ و فرياد كه من هم مي خواهم با امريكا تماس بگيرم و از اوضاع اونجا با خبر شوم..

He called! And talked for about 10 minutes, and then he said: well, devil how much do I owe you! For the phone call?

او تماس گرفت!!

و به مدت 10 دقيقه صحبت كرد.سپس گفت: خب شيطان، چقدر بايد بابت تماسم پرداخت كنم؟

The devil goes ten million dollars...

شيطان 10 ميليون دلار خواست...

Ten million dollars !!! He made him a check and went to sit back on his Chair...

10 ميليون دلار!!!! امريكايي چك چكشيد و برگشت بر روي صندلي اش نشست...

The Iranian was extremely jealous too...

He starts screaming and Screaming, I want to call Iran too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too, I wanna talk

to everybody...

و اما فرد ايراني خيلي خيلي حسود بود.او شروع كرد به جيغ و فرياد كه من هم مي خواهم با ايران تماس بگيرم و از اوضاع آنجا باخبر بشوم

He called Iran and he talked for about twenty hours,

He was talking and talking and talking

او با ايران تماس گرفت و به مدت 12ساعت صحبت كرد

Then he said: well, devil how much do I owe you for the phone call?

سپس گفت: خب شيطان، چقدر بايد براي تماسم پرداخت كنم؟

The devil goes:

One dollar...

شيطان گفت:

1دلار......

 

ONLY ONE DOLLAR ?!!!

فقط 1دلار؟!!!!

The devil goes: yes, well...

شيطان گفت بله خب...

From hell to hell, is local !

از جهنم به جهنم داخليه !!

[soheiiil 24251]

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.

Maria: This is it.

Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?

Class: Maria did.

 

[MOJTABA 77 8304]

Mr.Bean Science

.

I was stuck in ELEVATOR for 3 hrs

Due to electric failure

Mr.Bean:

Ya me too

I was stuck on ESCALATOR for 5 hrs

جک مستربین

از زمانی که برق رفت من تو آسانسور 3 ساعت گیرکردم.

.

مستربین:

من هم همین طور!!

من 5 ساعت رو پله برقی گیرکردم.

[MOJTABA 77 8304]

An Aeroplane asks a Rocket

An Aeroplane asks a Rocket

How is that you can fly so fast?

The Rocket replies you will know the pain

when they put fire at your back!

 

سوال هواپیما از موشک :

یه هواپیما از یه موشک می پرسه که :

چطوری می تونی این قدر سریع پرواز کنی؟

موشک جواب میده : اگه تو پشتت آتیش میزاشتن میدونستی که چقدر درد داره....

[MOJTABA 77 8304]

American: In our country ,

marriage even takes place with email.

 

Hindi : In India, it is only with a female

 

آمریکایی : در کشور ما ازدواج ها با ایمیل صورت میگیره!!!

 

هندی : در هند ، فقط با زن ها ازدواج می کنند!!!

[رعد آسا 587]

Married men live longer than single men do

but married men are a lot more willing to die

[peyman sadeghian 30244]

patient:"I get a terrible pain in my eye when i drink a cup of coffee."

 

Doctor:"Try taking the spoon oout"