life is only endless waiting

[bardia 39]

Burning upon the midnight sky

Still hoping for impossibilities impossibilities

Still wishing for what cannot be

Even as my heart crumble crumbles

Like a dessicated carcass long in the desert sun desiccated

Ash, ash, and no hope

Tell me the missteps I've taken missteps

I wish to know what to regret

Much better the particular, specific grief

Rather than this dull, general drear ، drear

I trod upon the wayward path

Leading to the endless abyss abyss

The land of the damned

Where the very idea of happiness

Is a ludicrous absurdity

that sets its denizens erupting with mirthless laughter denizens erupting

Oh, how laughter is cruelty

I know it not without its sharp barbs barbs

Laughter which comes from my throat

Knows nothing of joy

and everything of bitterness

Still I dare ask why

I must be

Continue on

As this empty shell of a man

No dreams for tomorrow

I do not wish to stir even today

For the fire in my heart is extinguished

And not even an ember glows glows

I want nothing

For all I have desired has led to disappointment

And hope has just become another word for despair

I want nothing

But the silent grave of oblivion is slow to creep

Time crawls, inch by inch crawls

I have a hundred thousand days to waste

wanting nothing

And still I will not get what I want

 

No do not tell me to wait for better times

I know everything about waiting

Waiting leads but to one thing

And that is only more waiting

and waiting to wait

life is only endless waiting

No do not tell me things will get better

For I have hoped with all my strength

wished with all my might

And still I have nothing to show for it

Though I crawl through the mud from sunrise to sunset

And bend my back in hard labor

I am dead

though I must still keep living

I know this is true because I no longer feel anything

[ALI* 880]

hi bardia

? Why are you so terribly disappointing

Life is beautiful & a Gift of God